EFT for code included in the price ✱ Full source code printout available at additional cost ✱ Refundable floppy disk deposit: 0.50 zł ✱ Contains no AI. May contain traces of Stack Overflow ✱ Unfiltered, unpasteurised, untested ✱ Free commit delivery on orders over 3 sprints ✱
Kraftowy Kod craft code brewery · since 2014

Batch no. 0047, bottled October 2026

Code slowly ageing in our heads.

The only software house of its kind in Poland.

we checked by hand, in the 2009 Yellow Pages

We brew software by hand, in small batches, from locally sourced ingredients. No artificial intelligence. No artificial deadlines. Actually, no deadlines at all.

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NO AI 100% fingers

Trusted by Soon to trust us

These companies aren't our clients yet. They will be, as soon as they realise AI was a mistake. We're waiting patiently, like good code.

  • Apple
  • Microsoft
  • Google
  • Amazon
  • NVIDIA
  • Meta
  • Tesla
  • Samsung
  • IBM
  • Netflix
  • Oracle
  • Intel
  • Printu
  • Patronite

Company names used without their knowledge or consent. We'll draw the real logos once they sign.

Every semicolon placed by hand.

Our developers don't use autocomplete, suggestions or syntax highlighting. Colours distract from the flavour. Code is first written in a notebook, then copied into Notepad, then copied again, because Notepad froze.

The loop next to this has an off-by-one error. We left it in on purpose. It's our signature, like sediment at the bottom of the bottle.

// written 14.03, after the second coffee function calculateInvoice(client) { let total = 0; // TODO ask Zacheusz for (let i = 0; i <= client.items.length; i++) { total += client.items[i]?.price ?? 0 } const ai = new Copilot() NEVER!! return total * 1.23 // VAT, probably }
Excerpt from batch 0047. Original in a squared notebook, page 212.

Written by hand on the night of 3 March, by the light of one candle

The Anti-AI Manifesto

AI code is like mass-market lager. Consistent, cheap, tastes the same everywhere, and nobody remembers who made it. We believe in code that's hazy, uneven and a little different every time, even from the same commit.

Mass-produced AI code Craft code
Time to make4 seconds4 quarters
Written bya language model in CaliforniaTadeusz, in a jumper
Commentsgrammatically correct// DO NOT TOUCH!!! works, no idea why
Testsgenerated automaticallya prayer before deploying
Bugsrandomoriginal, numbered, signed
Carbon footprinta data centre the size of a citya desk lamp and a kettle
Flavournonedistinct, slightly burnt
  1. I.

    AI writes a function in four seconds. We take four months. Guess which one you'll appreciate more.

  2. II.

    AI doesn't remember what it wrote yesterday. We remember every line since 2014, with regret.

  3. III.

    AI invents libraries that don't exist. We only use libraries that have stopped existing.

  4. IV.

    AI writes code without typos. Where is the soul in that? Where is the master's hand, trembling over a semicolon?

  5. V.

    AI never stays late. Tadeusz stayed late in 2017 and hasn't left yet.

  6. VI.

    AI takes jobs from developers. We create them: after every project of ours, the client hires two more, for the fixes.

  7. VII.

    When AI is wrong, it apologises. We never apologise. It's not a bug, it's terroir.

  8. VIII.

    AI learned from other people's code. So did we, but we retyped it by hand, so it counts.

Signed by hand:

Tadeusz

Zacheusz

Mateusz (on behalf of the interns)

How we brew code

A traditional method, handed down from senior to junior. The junior usually quits after step three.

  1. 1

    Malting the requirements

    The client tells us what they want. We set it aside for two weeks so the requirements can develop depth.

  2. 2

    Mashing

    A three-hour meeting that could have been an email. This produces the wort, also known as the backlog.

  3. 3

    Hopping

    We add JavaScript frameworks in three stages: for bitterness, for flavour and for the aroma of node_modules.

  4. 4

    Open fermentation

    The code rests in the feature/final-final-v2 branch until it starts working on its own.

  5. 5

    Lagering

    Code review takes six weeks. The reviewer reads every line aloud, at the correct temperature.

  6. 6

    Bottling to production

    Friday, 4:45 pm. Tradition demands it.

In production

Prices per man-hour. A man-hour lasts as long as it needs to.

  • Monolith Porter

    Dark, dense, impossible to split. One file, 48,000 lines.

    380 zł/h
  • Microservices Sour

    Tart and refreshing. 47 services to display "Hello World".

    47 × 90 zł/h
  • Legacy Lager

    PHP 5.3, a classic of the style. Nobody remembers who brewed it.

    quote on inspection
  • Spaghetti Stout

    Notes of pasta and goto. Served with a sauce of global variables.

    290 zł/h
  • Agile Hazy

    Cloudy, like the project scope. Every sip is a new sprint.

    fixed fee that grows

Extras

  • Code printout on handmade paper+0.40 zł/line
  • Comments in calligraphy+15%
  • Documentationwe don't do that
  • Code on floppy disk (refundable deposit)0.50 zł
  • Changing a button colour120 man-hours
  • EFT for codeincluded in the price

What the tasters say

"The project was meant to take three months. It's in its fourth year. You can smell the aroma across the whole office."

CEO of a logistics company near Radom

"We ordered the code printout. 4,000 pages. We used it to insulate the warehouse."

IT manager at a bakery chain

"I asked them to fix a typo. I got a quote and a letter about the ethos of craftsmanship."

Owner of a tyre shop